sit down, get a cool glass of water, and prepare to lose all faith in humanity

posted 10/21/2003 12:00:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 38, grade level: 13 commentscomments(0) linklink
so imagine you are jeff peckman, a man dubbed "doofus in denver" by larry elder(yeah i've never heard of him either), because you have proposed the crock of shit that is initiative 101, the so called "safety through peace" initiative. this states that denver should implement meditiation using about 175 people to cure all of the world's problems. that's right this actually will appear on the ballot in denver. go read this guy's web page, he has pretty graphs and everything. here are some highlights:
it will reduce terrorism
it will reduce unemployment and help the economy
and of course it reduces fires and accidents
note: it does not make coffee or toast (i mean how useless can something be?) if this passes i'm moving to canada, the weather's better, the mounties wear funny pants, and there's hockey.

stay on the cutting edge

posted 10/15/2003 08:21:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 65, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
make sure you go and download nada. it's the newest coolest program out there, it'll make your computer so easy to use, and for those of you who aren't masters of the obvious it's not real.

my boy, gary coleman representing...

posted 10/09/2003 03:15:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 71, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
that's right folks, he may not have won, but he did pretty well for an 80's fad: getting 12,960 or 0.2% of the vote. for those of you wondering that's just about 30,000 less than arianna huffington who dropped out of the race before the election and about 1,500 votes ahead of the porn star running. alf would mopped up the place.

finally everything i've been looking for all in one place...

posted 10/09/2003 02:55:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 48, grade level: 11 commentscomments(0) linklink
to quote sports illustrated: this week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us:
"the church of spongebob squarepants," yes that's right folks, a religion organized around a cartoon character. what does such a religion offer you might ask? "a church that presents it's precepts and spiritual instruction in an easily accessible format." and "a church you can enjoy in your own home - no special building to go to." man, why hasn't the catholic church thought of this, i mean, if they had this kinda ingenuity behind the crusades those heathens wouldn't have had a chance.

dropping the f-bomb

posted 10/07/2003 09:49:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 34, grade level: 9 commentscomments(0) linklink
flats points out that the fcc ruled that using profanity, even the f-bomb, doesn't make a broadcast obscene and therefore doesn't require it to be *bleeped* out. well that's just f*cking great, now i just f*cking need to get on f*cking tv, and i won't get f*cking bleeped any-f*cking-more.

fear the record companies

posted 10/07/2003 05:17:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 56, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
not only do they sue 12 year old impoverished girls, but they also have fearsome copy protection: "copy management is intended as a speed bump..." *holds down shift key while inserting cd*, no more bumps...