because i hate you all...

posted 12/26/2003 01:21:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 78, grade level: 4 commentscomments(0) linklink
i offer you the best present ever....kartik screaming, too bad it's just a picture and not a movie, or a picture with a sound clip. if you click on him, the picture gets bigger, perfect for backgrounds or wallpapers...btw doesn't kartik go to harvard, wtf was he doing at mit, why would they let him in, why god why????
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pa funnies + why i love america

posted 12/08/2003 02:58:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 73, grade level: 6 commentscomments(0) linklink
so this would be a funny comic in and of itself, however it becomes even funnier when one realizes that the dialog boxes in the last frame are reversed. now i know you were all wondering what rosa parks has been up to recently....well i was, you should have been too, but it seems that the supreme court, that's right, the highest court in the land, that supreme court, has ruled that she can sue outkast for their song "rosa parks." i'm just glad to see that she's still stickin it to the "man" or "men" as it were.

p.s. should the supreme court have better things to do, isn't this more on the level of judge judy?

p.s.*2: flats is funny
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unidirectional does she giggle...........death

posted 11/16/2003 05:06:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 70, grade level: 6 commentscomments(0) linklink
was the title of on email i recieved today. if that doesn't make you want to open spam and buy whatever they're selling i don't know what would.
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yeah, that seems about right

posted 11/06/2003 07:07:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 2, grade level: 13 commentscomments(0) linklink
so fox threatens to sue fox over an episode of the simpsons...hilarity ensues. i bet you didn't know that hilarity could be represented by a yahoo news story.
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sit down, get a cool glass of water, and prepare to lose all faith in humanity

posted 10/21/2003 12:00:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 38, grade level: 13 commentscomments(0) linklink
so imagine you are jeff peckman, a man dubbed "doofus in denver" by larry elder(yeah i've never heard of him either), because you have proposed the crock of shit that is initiative 101, the so called "safety through peace" initiative. this states that denver should implement meditiation using about 175 people to cure all of the world's problems. that's right this actually will appear on the ballot in denver. go read this guy's web page, he has pretty graphs and everything. here are some highlights:
it will reduce terrorism
it will reduce unemployment and help the economy
and of course it reduces fires and accidents
note: it does not make coffee or toast (i mean how useless can something be?) if this passes i'm moving to canada, the weather's better, the mounties wear funny pants, and there's hockey.
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stay on the cutting edge

posted 10/15/2003 08:21:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 65, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
make sure you go and download nada. it's the newest coolest program out there, it'll make your computer so easy to use, and for those of you who aren't masters of the obvious it's not real.
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my boy, gary coleman representing...

posted 10/09/2003 03:15:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 71, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
that's right folks, he may not have won, but he did pretty well for an 80's fad: getting 12,960 or 0.2% of the vote. for those of you wondering that's just about 30,000 less than arianna huffington who dropped out of the race before the election and about 1,500 votes ahead of the porn star running. alf would mopped up the place.
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finally everything i've been looking for all in one place...

posted 10/09/2003 02:55:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 48, grade level: 11 commentscomments(0) linklink
to quote sports illustrated: this week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us:
"the church of spongebob squarepants," yes that's right folks, a religion organized around a cartoon character. what does such a religion offer you might ask? "a church that presents it's precepts and spiritual instruction in an easily accessible format." and "a church you can enjoy in your own home - no special building to go to." man, why hasn't the catholic church thought of this, i mean, if they had this kinda ingenuity behind the crusades those heathens wouldn't have had a chance.
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dropping the f-bomb

posted 10/07/2003 09:49:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 34, grade level: 9 commentscomments(0) linklink
flats points out that the fcc ruled that using profanity, even the f-bomb, doesn't make a broadcast obscene and therefore doesn't require it to be *bleeped* out. well that's just f*cking great, now i just f*cking need to get on f*cking tv, and i won't get f*cking bleeped any-f*cking-more.
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fear the record companies

posted 10/07/2003 05:17:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 56, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
not only do they sue 12 year old impoverished girls, but they also have fearsome copy protection: "copy management is intended as a speed bump..." *holds down shift key while inserting cd* ...wow, no more bumps...
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maybe kurt warner's wife should start?

posted 09/30/2003 03:18:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 52, grade level: 12 commentscomments(0) linklink
take a look here, she trash talks better than him, and from the looks of it i could definitely see her breaking some tackles and throwing some stiff arms.
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more penny arcade funnies

posted 09/29/2003 09:13:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 57, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
"I need to let you in on some of this Bible Camp action. They're like pretty much every other summer camp, except they have a special guest - Christ Jesus! Certainly the activities were Christ Centered, even soccer..." just part of the commentary on penny-arcade from today... read it and view the comic, both very funny.
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can you raed tihs?... it's 'can you hear me now?' all over again

posted 09/15/2003 10:44:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 56, grade level: 11 commentscomments(0) linklink
so some folks smarter than the rest of us (or just with too much free time) have realized that misspelled words that have the corrent first and last letters can still be read correctly:
'Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro.'

coverage on: slashdot, blogs, etc.
googling for "Elingsh uinervtisy" returns: 355 pages, dispite the fact that it wasn't discovered at any english university
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el posto de flats

posted 09/04/2003 09:06:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 80, grade level: 4 commentscomments(0) linklink
so here's all the crap that flats has sent me recently. christopher walken telling you not to copy movies. keanu reeves doing the same. and then there's the family guy nudity. yeah flats is sick in the head, yeah we all know it.

text messaging, a cancer on society...

posted 08/19/2003 05:45:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 58, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
...at least the mpaa seems to think so. read on to hear the motion picture association of america crying about how text messaging is killing their industry. why you might ask? because with text messaging people can find out quickly the new movies are shit and not go, often even during their opening weekends. so i'm starting a poll, how long before sending a text message about a movie is declared a terrorist act?
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why haven't we thought of this...where's wilfred?

posted 08/18/2003 11:44:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 63, grade level: 6 commentscomments(0) linklink
funny penny-arcade comic for today. i knew we kept wilfred around for a reason. hey wilfred, ready for the lightning round?
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i thought i had too much free time...

posted 08/17/2003 01:15:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 67, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
... and so did joe: "but apparently our lives do hold some meaningful value" we've got nothing on these folks though. if you think i'm a wierd sicko for sending you there, click through to some of the pictures and it'll make some more sense.
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out go the lights

posted 08/15/2003 08:31:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 76, grade level: 5 commentscomments(0) linklink
so you all know about the big blackout. but don't fret it wasn't a terrorist act, nor msblaster that caused this horrible event. no it was just inept, overpaid electric companies not bothering to keep up with demand. but here's the best part, graphs from the blackout, showing power usage in new york state, and the nj/md/pa etc. region. check out the 4pm (1600) region of the graph. you can see these live, here.
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too bad there's no fines for stupidity....

posted 08/11/2003 11:15:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 71, grade level: 6 commentscomments(0) linklink
...or this lady could clear up the deficit. wanna see what's wrong with our schools? how about this former school teacher who went into iraq before the war to act as a "human shield" against the unjust war. too bad we didn't bomb where-ever she was "human shielding." to quote the article: "If Fippinger does not pay, the fine may increase, and the money will be drawn from her retirement paycheck, her Social Security check or any of her assets, officials said." HAHAHAH, that's great, not only will they put her in jail for not paying, but they'll garnish her assets while she's in jail to pay the fines. so i guess techincally that is a stupid fine... who knew?
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parents at fault....no way!

posted 08/11/2003 01:05:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 56, grade level: 10 commentscomments(0) linklink
so here is a political cartoon that apparently ran in a lot of newspapers recently. and here is the penny-arcade response. i don't really think i have to comment on this one (PA does, and it's quite right) other than saying, if you think the first one makes sense or you drew it, you need to start playing in traffic more.
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going to california...

posted 08/08/2003 11:09:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 79, grade level: 3 commentscomments(0) linklink
...just to vote for this man. no, not ahrnold, gary coleman of course. yes that's right you're coming with me too he's gonna need all the votes he can get. more coverage here.
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penny-arcade meets verizon...

posted 08/01/2003 12:12:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 68, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
i didn't know the guys at penny-arcade were trying to get dsl from verizon too...
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where did all the real news go?

posted 07/30/2003 02:15:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 32, grade level: 18 commentscomments(0) linklink
this is a good approximation of how cnn chooses to charge for their commercial time. note: on fox news channel, the blonde multiplier is x1000 and there's a watch heraldo be ripped apart by rabid wolves option in the x500 spot
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i hope that tingle is anticipation...

posted 07/21/2003 05:35:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 43, grade level: 10 commentscomments(0) linklink
otherwise i hope there's a cream for it. "On September 2, 2003, Chuck Mound will present his LATEST innovations for the athletic world that will further evolve sports into the 21st century. The new web site will be luanched at that time. This site will remain active for basic information only." link shamelessly stolen from bruck who, a british intelligence dossier indicates, was either attempting to buy uranium from africa, or stole this link from varley.
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finally a campaign i can get behind...

posted 07/18/2003 12:04:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 45, grade level: 13 commentscomments(0) linklink
so here's a great proposal sent in by reiner: for every animal you don't eat, i'm going to eat three who said our generation is disorganized.
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fundimental equations...

posted 07/07/2003 02:18:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 7, grade level: 13 commentscomments(0) linklink
fez = dork
penny-arcade = funny
so not only is the penny-arcade comic from july 4th really funny, but the witty banter is well...whitty.
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fpaft...

posted 06/30/2003 03:02:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 53, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
here it is, as defined previously....ah forget it just go read penny-arcade...
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rss feed

posted 06/30/2003 02:49:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 60, grade level: 9 commentscomments(0) linklink
so i've added an rss feed from the site, it's available from the rss link in the left navigation column.
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of dogs and witches...

posted 06/20/2003 11:08:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 63, grade level: 6 commentscomments(0) linklink
funny penny-arcade for today. maybe i should find a way to shorten this since i type it all the time. fpaft or something...
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might as well play kick the kidney if we're gonna waste it

posted 06/16/2003 11:50:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 65, grade level: 9 commentscomments(0) linklink
there is an inmate in oregon, who actually had the prison considering whether he should qualify for a kidney transplant. here's the catch, he's on death row. if we start giving death row inmates organs and then killing them i'm moving to uzbeckistan, where they've got the commual food lines down to 36 hours. not to mention that the state shouldn't be paying 120,000 a year for this guys dialysis. he's in prison, which means, he was convicted of a crime, they can't kill him yet because he gets appeals, but the state has no burden to keep him alive for those appeals, they just can't kill him. they can let him die, they just can't kill him, no questions asked. cut off his dialysis and certainly don't give him new organs, if he hadn't committed a crime he'd be dead by now cause he wouldn't have had the dialysis. do us all a favor and pull the plug.
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where the ladies at...adventures in western pa

posted 06/16/2003 11:33:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 73, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
so i went to the santana concert sunday night out in pittsburgh. sitting next to me was intoxicated man who kept yelling "where the ladies at?" just for clairification, i really think his drunkeness was truncating his message. he was really trying to say "where the ladies at...who are looking for a man who's bac is higher than his iq, who has less teeth than his 13 month old son, who's education consisted of his pappy taking him out to the woods and showing him how to trap skunks. so if you've got no legs or just can't run fast enough to get away from me, then you fit my requirements and drop on by. i'm the guy next to the pile of beer bottles." i don't know why he didn't just say that.
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when dreams come true....or fun with photoshop

posted 06/12/2003 01:26:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 104, grade level: 1 commentscomments(0) linklink
here is the kind of thing that gets me through each day.
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we have a winner

posted 06/11/2003 01:42:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 70, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
yes that's right, there is someone who fez is cooler then...but before you sigh too loudly, if this guy gets a wife, he will surely surpass fez, but i wouldn't bet on that.
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reasons to dislike apple

posted 06/04/2003 03:27:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 74, grade level: 5 commentscomments(0) linklink
penny-arcade gives us this guy and you don't want to be like him....or do you? (fez don't answer, you'll only remove all doubt)
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back again

posted 06/04/2003 03:23:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 81, grade level: 5 commentscomments(0) linklink
so the site's back up again. if you're reading this, sign up for an account and post a comment or something. post good ideas for stuff to link to, stuff you'd like to see, things we can make fun of fez about, you know the usual stuff.
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not quite the media coverage you would hope for...

posted 06/04/2003 03:21:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 57, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
penny-arcade does hopkins, not johns hopkins though, "john hopkins" where ever that is...
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for those of you keeping score...

posted 04/29/2003 07:18:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 104, grade level: 0 commentscomments(0) linklink
this guy is cooler than fez. as is this guy, this guy, and yes even this guy.
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honda's cool ad

posted 04/29/2003 07:16:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 55, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
so honda has made this really cool rube goldberg type commercial. it's two long shots strung together with computer graphics for the muffler in the middle. only reason they resorted to cg was cause they couldn't get a big enough space otherwise. in a world full of matrixy cg stuff this is really really cool.
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who knew penny-arcade folks were such rotten apples?

posted 04/29/2003 07:11:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 34, grade level: 11 commentscomments(0) linklink
so penny-arcade has gotten in some trouble an...interesting strip featuring strawberry shortcake. they replaced the strip with this placeholder after american greetings complained. interesting to note that american greetings didn't create strawberry shortcake, they just bought her up with a bunch of other 80s icons a few years back.
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back online

posted 04/29/2003 07:04:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 54, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
after a nice hiatus we're back up and running. hopefully we'll stay up for a while.
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winamp toys

posted 03/19/2003 01:24:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 59, grade level: 10 commentscomments(0) linklink
so there's robo dj which creates some real randomness in your winamp playlists, as well as letting you rate songs. (note it does crash winamp sometimes) and there's audioscrobbler a cool site that lists what you've been playing and once you play enough songs will link you to songs that other people play when playing the songs you play (confusing enough for you?) here's my page.
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ah politics...

posted 03/18/2003 08:03:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 67, grade level: 6 commentscomments(0) linklink
there's a happy little test on politicalcompass.org that'll graph out where you stand in the world of politics. here's me, bruck, joe, varley, jon, and wilfred, super-imposed on some other folks you might have heard of... and if you take the test, send me your coords. or post them as a comment to this story and i'll super-impose them all.
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ahh college life...

posted 03/04/2003 11:09:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 46, grade level: 10 commentscomments(0) linklink
apparently they should add to this i'm a college student, my font/background color selections suck... so here's the text in a readable form, and here's the original.
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to quote dennis miller...

posted 03/04/2003 02:10:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 54, grade level: 10 commentscomments(0) linklink
"interpreting a dog's mood swings is just like peeing into a urinal without losing your dick: if you can't do it, perhaps you shouldn't have one to begin with." flats provides a story about a device to help those of you with problems such as these, created by...that's right kids the japanese. the latest wonder of useless electronics is the "bowlingual" a little box that "translates" your dog's barks and growls into human speech. it's now official the apocolypse is here, get your hats on and look out for those horseman as you cross the street.
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now that we've all had a good laugh at wilfred's expense

posted 03/03/2003 03:13:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 66, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
if that wasn't enough fun for you, watch these two videos: the first studies what's wrong with america's youth today and the second looks into how war protesters have no idea what they're talking about and shouldn't bother breathing much less trying to speak. and one last thing, you've got to be kidding me, they're going to ban the pledge of allegence??? not that i remember any of the freaking thing, but what's next big-bird a communist? (oh wait, we've probably already done that one.)
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without harvard....well i wouldn't know what a brew thru was

posted 03/03/2003 03:12:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 33, grade level: 11 commentscomments(0) linklink
let's have a look at what wilfred's tuition pays for:
here's a fun dialect survey where you can have questions like these statistically explored: what do you call the game wherein the participants see who can throw a knife closest to the other person (or alternately, get a jackknife to stick into the ground or a piece of wood? (for the record the sane 56% of our country answered "i have never heard of this "game" and have no idea what it's called") and what do you call a drive-through liquor store? (here my favorite answer "we have these in my area, but we have no special term for them" got 30% of the answers, closly followed by "brew thru" which garnished a suprisingly minor 3% of answers).
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been a little slow...

posted 03/01/2003 12:07:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 54, grade level: 8 commentscomments(0) linklink
but here's some funny red meat. also some funnies from the onion: sophomore senator eager to move out of congressional housing and orange alert sirens to blow 24 hours a day in major cities. read on kids.
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a fun little game called gridlock...

posted 02/19/2003 10:15:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 23, grade level: 14 commentscomments(0) linklink
there is a cool game called gridlock that i mooched off rc's profile. also there's some funny penny-arcade's recently
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strange but fun...

posted 02/18/2003 12:51:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 57, grade level: 11 commentscomments(0) linklink
this is interesting, strange, but fun to play with for a while, cause you know you don't really want to be doing anything useful right now.
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if only..

posted 02/07/2003 06:08:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 58, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
if only i could be as consistantly funny as penny-arcade is. unfortunately for those of you who have to talk to me, you know that is not the case...not even close.
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onions make me cry...

posted 02/05/2003 02:48:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 40, grade level: 13 commentscomments(0) linklink
and laugh sometimes too... the onion has a lot of funny times such as un orders wonka to submit to chocolate factory inspections, a funny article about the president of n. korea that now isn't up any more (hence why i mirrored the others), drinking in quarries down 37 percent, and yankees ensure 2003 pennant by signing every player in baseball. (most of these came to me via wilfred)
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satirewire dead....say it ain't so

posted 02/05/2003 02:45:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 34, grade level: 12 commentscomments(0) linklink
as you can see from previous stories, ok so it's only one previous story, but you get the idea, satirewire was a funny funny place to be, unfortunately it has shut down, but not before taking a few last shots, jupiter apparently doing something wrong, aclu takes over terror investigation, will focus attention on no one in particular, and canadian warship seizes tanker in.... wait... canada has a warship?.
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some other stuff i forgot...

posted 02/05/2003 02:11:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 44, grade level: 10 commentscomments(0) linklink
here's u.s.-led iraq war slated for super bowl halftime show and your daily horiscope off the onion: cancer: (june 22—july 22) there's trouble at work again this week as you continue to be undermined by your smarter, more charismatic black secretary of state. (btw, bush's birthday is july 6th)
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funnier than white meat...

posted 02/05/2003 01:35:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 34, grade level: 15 commentscomments(0) linklink
there's a comic site called red meat that i used to read and then completely forgot about. there's some really funny comics there, and highlights include: 1 2 3 4
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funny animation

posted 01/27/2003 01:48:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 43, grade level: 9 commentscomments(0) linklink
here's a funny animation of the windows xp icons, good for a laugh. there's also been some good penny-arcades recently.
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new comment system

posted 01/07/2003 07:20:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 70, grade level: 6 commentscomments(0) linklink
play with the new comments system and tell me what you all break. just click on an article's "(link)" link and it should be pretty self explanatory from there. you can either create a user name or just post anonymously. at some point at least create a login and try logging in, cause that’s new too.
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hahahaha...

posted 01/04/2003 12:17:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 79, grade level: 3 commentscomments(0) linklink
tell that joke again about how you were gonna run for president al....oh wait that wasn't a joke?!? dear god help us.
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personality test

posted 01/01/2003 03:48:00 by matt flesch-kincaid: 54, grade level: 7 commentscomments(0) linklink
here's a fun little personality test. interesting to see what they say about you based on 4 questions. here's me, no suprises there.
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