"a wal-mart store manager said, the store offers 'quality merchandise, low prices, and wal-mart's spirit of aloha.' aloha of course a hawaiian word meaning : hello, goodbye, and f*ck you and your dead ancestors" -jon stewart
Real Men of Genius:
Today we salute you, Mr. Constant Collar Putter Upper. You, bedecked in popped collar, teach us that we no longer have to live with a cold, back of the neck. Sure, your Pink alligator polo may look feminine to some, but not to the 17 other frat guys wearing the same thing at the bar.
Where others may see thoughtless fashion conformity, you preach a higher gospel. You preach of a world where its okay for a man to go tanning. You ask "why can't we wear make-up, and use shampoo with lavender essence?" (Where is my lipstick?)
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Abercrombie (or is it Fitch?), because we all know, when we really need a piece of gum, you might have one... in your man purse.
1) all starbucks will also have a quiznos, and all quiznos will also have a starbucks
2) the daily show will be the only news channel allowed to broadcast in the state
3) i will tarnish my reputation and fall from grace so spectacularly that not even my announcing that i'm gay could cover it up
btw, if you want an invite, leave a comment(link below) with at least some sort of valid identifier, a user name i would recognize, your info in the post, etc., and i'll send you an invite once i get my first batch.
so last wednesday around 1pm i leave my apartment and notice on the curb the transformer from the light post, a small metal box with wires running in and out of it. as i get across the street i think to myself, "if i didn't know that was a transformer, i might think it was a bomb." so later that night, claire and i leave my apartment, and there's cops everywhere, with the street closed, police taped off, cars being detoured, etc. a cop comes over to us and says we can't be here, "the area is closed off." so we walk around and stand and watch as the bomb squad truck drives off. so the next day in the paper, that article is there, and i go, holy shit, that was totally the box i saw.
and in other news... google has opened up applications for jobs on the moon; thinkgeek is selling an ez-bake oven that fits in a drive bay, makes me sad that i have a laptop; they also have caffine patches...thank you god my prayers have been answered, although it really can't beat caffenated meatloaf.
now i have several issues with this, a) what the hell can you get at walmart to rack up that much of a bill, human slaves or something? b) do you really expect walmart to have $998,325 worth of change? and c) do you really want a walmart employee to try to count that high?